Work in finance? Trust fund? We’ve got The Villa for you…

When you’re in a city of Bitcoin-wrapped Bentleys, gold-topped lattes and 7-Star hotels, you really have to do something dramatic to qualify for levelling up the luxury stakes.

Banyan Tree Dubai: “Challenge accepted”.

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They’ve just unveiled their off-menu, private hire, 48,060-sq-ft beachfront swag pad known as, The Villa. Giving a property its own definite article might sound like an audacious flex but here, it’s possibly an undersell. Banyan Tree could have legitimately gone with ‘The Chateaux’ or ‘The Sultan’s Beach Palace’ and it would still have passed the fact check test.

Unlike a lot of Dubai’s fanciest mansions, you can actually rent The Villa out for private stays and events (you can’t book it on the website though, you have to call the Banyan Tree team direct on: (0)4 556 6666). And it could cost a lot less than you think.

Through the keyhole

What sort of bougie facilities should you expect from this playground of generational wealth? We’ll take you on a quick tour.

High ceilings, that’s how the other half live. If the roof doesn’t have its own troposphere, is there any point in having one? And The Villa’s ground floor living room (reception area? Rich people’s room allocations are confusing) has ceilings so high, you’d need to charter a small plane to recover any untethered children’s helium balloons.

A grand spiral staircase (and an elevator if you ‘don’t do walking darling’) marks the transition from lounging space to open plan kitchen and bar area (which can be staffed upon request). From there you can sneak off to the cinema room, with ribcage rattling sound system and a sunken floor that doubles as a day bed. Also on the ground floor, the regal bathroom includes a statement, free-standing bath and opens out onto the secluded alfresco hot tub deck.

The Villa comes with four big bedrooms as standard, but you can upgrade to unlock a third floor with secure access to the main hotel via a bridge. This gives you the option of six additional rooms if your entourages roll deep. There’s a room each for the butler AND the maid (which is exactly the kind of Downton Abbey feature that sets this stay apart from the pretenders), and if you don’t have your own butler (stop buying all that avocado on toast) – you can book the Banyan Tree’s own 24-hour service. They can also provide personal chefs, sommeliers, private security, and limousine pick-up.

Talent pool

The Villa comes with its own stretch of private, paparazzi-proof beach. There’s an expansive infinity pool complex with luxe lounging facilities, a fully fitted-out gym, a banqueting table, fire pit and lush botanical gardens. There’s also a private entrance from the road, freeing you from the obligation of the conventional check-in.

For bookings call Banyan Tree Dubai on: (0)4 556 6666.

Images: provided