What’s On celebrates the birthday of our magazine’s columnist, Dubai92 breakfast show host Catboy. Here’s some of our favourite soundbites.

To mark the birthday of our columnist, Dubai 92 breakfast show host Catboy (twitter.com/Catboy92), here are a few highlights from his columns in 2014. Good to see he’s mellowing with age…

On lack of sleep…
Sometime after 10pm I am woken, slumped in a bathroom cubicle, where I’ve fallen asleep and look like a modern art recreation of the dying moments of Elvis Presley. Embarrassed, I angrily tell everyone we’re leaving. The drive home is silent. When indoors I rant to everyone that I can’t do this every day for a fortnight or I’ll have a heart attack.

On Valentine’s Day…
February. The month of love. The month of overpriced floral arrangements and saccharine-sweet cards with mass-produced sentiment that would never come from the mouths of the senders. The month of panicking men and disappointed women.

On birthdays…
I don’t want a fuss on my birthday and I won’t make one on anybody else’s. I’m the perfect storm of a birthday-denier. I’m a Yorkshireman (notoriously tight-fisted), I’m cantankerous, I don’t like a fuss, I’m middle-aged, and, perhaps most relevant of all, I’m a Dad.

On lack of sleep (again)…
In-between dribbling and spilling food down my shirt, I stumble to the restaurant’s bathroom. I assume I’m hallucinating as I come face-to-face with a bloodhound. Then I realise it’s my reflection.

On driving…
I roll home from work by midday, just as my morning enthusiasm is being replaced by lethargy. I’d normally put my feet up and meditate on how broke I am but there’s no time for this because my parents need to be entertained. So, through a narcoleptic fog, I drive around Dubai being kept awake by my Dad’s driving tips.

On dieting…
If these words represented the ferocity at which I’m hammering the keys on my laptop THEY WOULD ALL BE BOLD AND CAPITALS. Yes, I’m dieting again. I’ve been wallowing in a mud-pit of sadness and ennui, like a big, fat hippo.

On holidays…
Holidays cause more problems than they solve. My wife and I have been planning this year’s summer holiday since Christmas. We planned, we argued, we fought, we re-planned. We were going crazy, spending six hours a day online, watching flights and accommodation prices go through the roof, while threatening to divorce each other. A few weeks ago, at the end of my tether and with tears in my eyes, I said to my wife: “Right, either we book a holiday today or we’re not going at all.”