Ticking off the travel Phuket list…

Twenty years have passed since I last set foot in Thailand. For scale, that’s equivalent to five US Presidential cycles, two GTA games or one full Greta Thunberg. A lot has changed in those intervening decades, not least me. And so this time, I’m travelling with a wife and kids on a wholly wholesome trip. I’m swapping out buckets of brightly coloured beverages for buckets and spades, hostels for hotels, though – hopefully – enjoying the same level of exotic awe and barefoot beach bliss.

But where amongst the thousands of idyllic isles and Lonely Planet bookmarks, should we take our four-man tour bus to? Phuket is the firm front-runner for good reason. Emirates flies there direct from Dubai; if your tribe prefer holidays where you don’t just stay in one place, it’s one of the easier provinces to navigate on the go; much of the unsavoury, R-Rated neon is hidden away on side streets (as long as you steer clear of Patong); it offers diversity of experience; and has in abundance the sort of fivestar comfort and convenience we’ve become non-negotiably accustomed to living in the UAE.

Act one of our trip takes place in the established Phuket tourist enclave of Kata Beach – a thronging, sarong-ing hub where gap-year backpackers tread the market streets alongside leisure flop-and-droppers. It’s August, right in the humid heart of the monsoon season, but the cloudless skies above don’t seem to have seen the forecast. The beach is busy and visited by rough surf, so if you’re travelling with young children the pool is probably a better option for your time here. Before we check into hotel number one, we make a quick pit stop at 7-Eleven, an essential station on any trip through Thailand. The local currency, Bhat, conveniently converts to dirhams by a factor of 10 (1,000 THB is roughly Dhs105), making shopping for scorpion balm or microwavable gyoza less fraught with currency mishaps.

Club Med Phuket, Kata

With properties ranging from Alpine lodges to Indian Ocean havens, there’s a lot of diversity in the Club Med portfolio. There are certain elements though, that remain constant across the global network. These brand standards mean you’ll always get generous all-inclusive packages that take the pressure off budgeting; a consistently high standard of gastronomy; a huge collection of facilities and entertainment experiences for all; and an activity-packed schedule at the various age-tiered kids’ clubs. Club Med Phuket is a brochure example of these leisure lifelines. So in addition to the local staples such as a surf-streaked stretch of beach, spa and multiple pools – your Phuket trip is enhanced with opportunities to learn the art of trapeze dismounts at the on-site circus school; explore the basics of muaythai; throw suds and shapes at the pool-adjacent foam party; enjoy nightly themed cabaret spectaculars; take cooking lessons; hit the bullseye with archery classes; and embark on snorkelling safaris.

The culinary output, considering it’s mostly buffet-based, is particularly strong in range and quality, and another reason why I think Club Med ranks amongst the top family hotels in Phuket. And it’s not just great for families. With the adults-only Zen pool, couples holidaying here can spend most of the day beyond the audible distance of the more tantrum-prone guests. Many of the rooms have been recently renovated and offer a suave situ, so you could quite merrily pass your entire holiday within the gated resort and not spend an additional dirham beyond your initial booking costs. But the hunger for adventure is not one easily sated, so on we push.

Rooms from around Dhs1,200 per night, based two people for three nights all-inclusive. @clubmed

You still see plenty of the oldskool, precariously assembled, tuk-tuks in Thailand. A motorcycle with an oversized sidecar haphazardly welded to the chassis, featuring the manufacturer’s options pack of disco lights and near-death experiences. But it feels like they’re being slowly and systematically replaced by a fleet of souped-up grey minivans that now dominate the thoroughfares. Light might not be able to escape a black hole, but there’s not a country I’ve visited that’s been able to resist the vacuum of transport sector Uberfication. And what you lose in old-world charm, you almost certainly make up for in transit times and life expectancy. We’ve booked one of the MPVs via Grab, an app that’s ostensibly the Thai version of Careem (they do food delivery too).

Despite a lengthy overlap with the school summer holidays, there are fewer tourists in Phuket during the wet season. So the traffic is thin as we cruise towards the next destination, Mai Khao, on the northern tip of the island. Staring out of the window, you’re forbidden from forgetting Thailand’s true tropical self. Living emerald dunes snake right up to the fringes of the roads, and there is no doubt that nature could snatch it all back in a heartbeat if it were moved to do so.

Anantara Mai Khao Phuket Villas

Mai Khao is a much quieter quarter of Phuket. It feels younger, less developed, and an ideal escape if you’ve come to Thailand seeking sanctuary. The beach sits at the other end of the spectrum to Kata, it’s unprocessed and raw, quiet and seemingly unending. Anantara Mai Khao Phuket Villas grounds itself in that surrounding serenity. Your arrival is heralded by the striking of a sacred gong, check-in takes place in a pagoda over a gently rippling coy lagoon, and then you’re ferried off on a leafy buggy ride to your lodgings. The exterior of our one-bedroom pool villa is traditionally Thai in style, but the interior is of expertly manicured modern design. It’s a big old space and those generous portions apply to the plunge pool too, but the grounds hold two big main pools to tempt you into communal dips.

The Anantara Spa experience is a globally recognised wellness gem, and the signature massage at Mai Khao will pummel even the most stubborn of your wonky chakras into submission. In-resort dining highlights run to Sea.Fire.Salt – the beautifully bougie beachside grill; Indian restaurant and Michelin Guide inductee, Tiffin; Treehouse, a fine dining dojo of Japanese high art; and all-day lagoon-side (where after feeding yourself, you can feed the fish) diner, La Sala. Anantara Mai Khao Phuket Villas is an archetypal ambassador for laidback, unobnoxious luxury and it’s our top pick if you’re seeking seclusion and a convenient launch pad for exploring the islands of Ao Phang Nga National Park.

Villas from around Dhs1,004 per night based on two people for three nights bed and breakfast. @anantaramaikhao

The beach at Avani+ Khao Lak

The closing chapter of this Thai escapade takes place in Khao Lak, which sits just north of Phuket on the mainland. Behind the coastal hotels, there’s a commercial strip of restaurants, massage shops, mini marts and tattoo parlours of violently varying quality. Sitting snug against the plastic sheet-wrapped table at one of the local eateries, I reflect on how easy it’s been to satisfy each of our younger traveller’s particular food penchants. My son has embraced the spice and aromatic alchemy of the regional cuisine, my daughter has continued her solo quest to exhaust the world of all chicken nuggets. But we’ve managed to feed both, in the same restaurant on all of our stops in Thailand.

Daytripping

There is a lot of family-focused entertainment to tempt you away from the comfort of your hotel in Phuket. But not all of it has been created equally. We visited theme parks, go-kart tracks, night markets and a naval turtle rehabilitation centre that I’m not 100 per cent sure wasn’t a humidity-induced hallucination. We made an ethical choice to avoid elephant sanctuaries, because it was proving difficult to verify in advance how well looked after the animals were. But the best day trips, and it wasn’t even close, were the longtail boat tours of the neighbouring islands. Because of Phuket’s geographical location along the Thai peninsula, the destinations in the Andaman Sea are going to be the easiest to reach.

The likes of Koh Samui and Koh Pha Ngan are found off the opposing coast of the mainland. That still leaves a lot of sea to see. Phi Phi Islands are probably the more famous sea-carved limestone idylls, they hold the key to the Maya Bay’s lagoon, the fabled setting of the film adaptation of Alex Garland’s The Beach. You can also drop anchor at the floating villages of Phang Nga Bay, and trace the silver coastline of James Bond Island. But as with most things in life, it’s the journey to the destination, that’s often the most fulfilling part of these trips. Boat tours start at around Dhs150.

Avani+ Khao Lak

Of all the places we stayed (and there are several more that did not make the mentions), this hotel has the most attractive beach. The entire property is fenced by encroaching jungle, which adds to an overall sense of seclusion, exoticism and synergy with nature. It also has some incredible family-friendly facilities. There’s a climbing wall (this seems to be a reoccurring theme in the hotels here, but I’m too embarrassed to ask why), a free-to-play arcade room, pool complex with splashpad, skatepark, forest farm and a massive AvaniFit gym.

Choosing how to spend your time in the property is likely to be tough, but with all the choice on offer, dining decisions won’t be much easier to make. We loved the casual poolside pizzeria, Mi Scusi; the all-day diner – Elements puts on a grandstand breakfast buffet; there’s a gelateria, coffee shop and The Beach House does a wonderful seafood platter. Chicken nuggets, I can confirm, are also available. We stayed in a two-bedroom family pool suite (from Dhs1,360 per nigh) and it was a light, delightfully modern space but we spent so little time indoors, its charms were wasted on us. Avani+ is the Goldilocks option, it has outstanding amenities in abundance and a full arm’s length from the maddening crowds.

Rooms from around Dhs214 per night based on two people for three nights bed and breakfast. @avanikhaolak

A wholesome family trip to Thailand is a hard thing to tear yourself away from, but coming back to Dubai is easy. Sunshine and fun times make forever holidays.

Images: Unsplash/Provided