Habib-bay watch: David Hasselhoff signs up as Aquaventure lifeguard

No running, no cannonballs, and no Hasselling The Hoff…

Most of us have probably had those days at work where we’ve considered throwing in the towel to go and work as a lifeguard, sitting in the sun, and giving people the nod to go down slides. Mondays are tough.

But you’re probably less likely to hear the call of the flume, if you’re a Hollywood celebrity. Somebody like David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff, although what is likely his most beloved TV role makes him uniquely qualified.

Some people stand in the darkness

But here’s the news, David Hasselhoff has been signed up as head lifeguard at Aquaventure – that’s according to the record-breaking Dubai waterpark’s social media channels. Since his appointment, he’s been ensuring all the equipment is up to scratch and, of course, teaching his new colleagues how to run in slow motion. Precisely the pace you’re looking for in an emergency responder.

For anyone born AFS (that’s After Flat Screens), sped-down jogging montages formed a frequent meme within the show Baywatch. A surf rescue/whodunnit production from the 1980s and 90s where the chief USPs were, well they were red and water resistant and that’s all we’re going to say.

Hasselhoff starred as Mitch Buchannon, a firm but fair, chief lifeguard on the California coast. His trademark orange buoyancy device (which appears to have made the trip to Dubai) was a warning shot to criminals operating in that area, that said “maybe do the crime stuff inland for a bit”.

Some people need to help somebody

If you check the Aquaventure feeds right now, you’ll see that they’ve removed all the other content. So now it’s just The Hoff, which feels eerily on-brand.

Hasselhoff’s full role requirements haven’t been directly communicated yet – but we’ve checked out his IMDB page and it’s not just the previous lifeguarding experience we think makes him the right man for the job.

Knight Rider feels like an almost perfect name for an after-dark slide-riding session at the park; and he was in two Sharknado movies, Anaconda 3 and Piranha 3D – super handy in the incredibly unlikely case those aquariums start cracking.

Some will likely draw comparisons between this figurehead appointment and the successful Yas Island marketing campaign which has seen a succession of A-listers take up the mantle of Chief Island Officer (to be honest, I can’t believe Aquaventure didn’t go with Chief Lifeguarding Hofficer but there you go). The CIO position is currently held by Ryan Reynolds and I’m convinced that I’m not alone in wanting to see a collaboration between the two. Deadpool vs Mr ‘not in my pool’.

What’s On is waiting for further developments.

Images: Aquaventure via Instagram